Yesterday is over, Today is the beginning of the rest of my life

I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life. I wasn't a fat kid, I was skinny.  I loved to eat and I could eat anything I wanted and it didn't matter.  When I went to college I weighed about 145 pounds.  I am pretty tall so that was actually a very healthy and slim weight.    In college  I ate horribly and by the time I graduated I was 24 and weighing about 220.  I knew I was a bigger girl, but I was still the smallest person in my family so I didn't worry much about it.   I married my college sweet heart and we had 3 beautiful kids.  With every pregnancy I lost weight but, by the time my baby was one year I was back up to that 220 range.  

Me at my heaviest, 222 pounds, age 27

When my 3rd child was about 9 months old, I was 32 and weighted 220, a friend of mine was trying to loose a little weight and we started my fitness pal together.  Over the course of a year we lost a ton of weight.  I lost 70 pounds!  

Me at my smallest, 139 pounds age 33

I was skinny, I has healthy and athletic, and I was confident!  I  was extremely proud of myself.  The problem was I didn't want to loose anymore weight, I just wanted to maintain my current weight and maybe even gain a couple of pounds.  Well I put my fitness pal in maintain weight mode, but I stopped counting calories and then I stopped running.  

This is definitely the hardest part of weight loss,  maintence.  You have heard it before but you just don't understand the struggle.   I am a food addict.  My skinny friends who didn't know I was fat couldn't understand my struggle because they had never been there, and my fat friends only saw me as skinny and didn't want to hear my "size 4 problems".  I felt alone.  People couldn't  see past the outside of my body.  They just don't know that no matter what size pants I wear, a 4 or a 22,  I am a fat girl and I will always be a fat girl.   I gained that 10 pounds by Halloween, by the following summer I had gained 20, and now that Halloween is only a few weeks away I have gained 30.

Me today, 170 pounds, age 34

I am sharing my story today because today is the 1st day of the rest of my life.  It doesn't matter what happen yesterday, today I will do better.  I will try harder.  I want to be happy, I want to be healthy. The number doesn't matter, it is just a number and that number looks different in every person.  I want to enjoy playing outside with my kids, the way I did last year.  I want to feel strong, I want to fill good.  170 doesn't feel good to me, 140 - 150 felt GREAT to me, the best I have ever felt in my entire life.  I want to feel that way again and that journey starts today. 

 It doesn't matter if that feeling comes at 150 or 165, or even 200, as long as I can enjoy being active with my kids.  They will only be little and want me to play outside with them for a little while longer, nit is a ticking clock and I don't want to miss it.